Previously in The Murder of TedâŚ
Ted was identified as a highly suspicious intruderâŚ
This week: the investigation escalates.
Thank you for joining me on this unexpected, uncozy adventure.
The Murder of Ted
A Series of Unfortunate Events, an Uncozy Adventure
Chapter Two: The True Investigation Begins
Every amateur sleuth knows one thing: once you have a suspect, the investigation truly begins.
I wasnât new to this process. I had experienced this part of the story once before, so this weekâs worth of testing felt familiar. However, last time I wasnât a sleuth.
When it came time to squish Ted and peer inside, I was ready. Ted, however, was not.
The second the Mammogram tech began, Ted threw a fit. He screamed with pain and reacted like a bucking bronco, trying desperately not to cooperate with the investigation. I am not going to lie, it felt oddly satisfying to feel Ted squirm. He needed some discipline.
As we watched the screen, the evidence began to reveal itself. Calcium trails lit up pathways like clues pinned to a detective board. Tedâs sneaky ways were slowly unraveling.
But then the investigation took an unexpected turn. Ted might not be acting alone. A distant cousin of sorts had apparently left a small calcium trail of its own over in Breast Stage Right.
Wonderful, apparently one unwelcome guest wasnât enough. But this one will remain unnamed for now, per my intruder tenancy agreement.
Things kept getting more complicated, but as any amateur sleuth knows, the key to finding answers is to stay the course. Keep pressing. Keep collecting evidence even when things get uncomfortable.
And man, did Ted try to make me uncomfortable. He throbbed with pain, swelled up, and threw a fit, insisting he belonged here, that he had been wrongfully accused.
Honestly, it was very dramatic behavior.
Two days later, the detectives escalated things and illuminated Ted and his mysterious bilateral friend with radioactive sugar.
Now, while the professionals prepared the medical investigation, I had already decided to launch my own side mission. Make Ted extremely uncomfortable.
I switched to an extreme keto approach after spending far too much time digging through medical journals. My conclusion? Until the full-blown attack plan was hatched, I could at least make Ted’s life a little less comfortable.
Waiting is hard. My inner sleuth wanted to feel like I was helping my internal attack team. If Ted was going to make himself comfortable in my house, I figured there was nothing wrong with making him a little uncomfortable in return.
After all, Ted had broken our agreement. The gloves were off.
Turns out, starving Ted was a good thing. That hungry hippo drank up that radioactive juice like an unsuspecting perp trying to play innocent. He was caught red-handed.
The scan revealed that two lymph systems had been compromised. They were under siege. My internal attack team had not abandoned the case; they were fighting an epic battle. Ted had quickly and efficiently discharged hundreds of tiny minions in a desperate plea to defend his acquired territory.
Meanwhile, the mysterious visitor in Breast Stage Right sat quietly, lurking in the darkness with just enough glow to cause distraction.
The wonderful rad tech dressed in dark blue scrubs looked at me with soft blue eyes full of concern and said, âThere have been major advances in treatment.â
âI know,â I said. This story is far from over. Ted will not win!
After starving both Ted and me, I needed food.
My knight in shining armor, AKA my sidekick husband, took me to lunch, where we reviewed all the evidence collected so far.
I cheated just a little bit. I rewarded myself and, unfortunately, Ted with a couple of slices of pizza. And while I would have loved a good whiskey, alcohol of all sorts had officially been removed from the guest list until Ted was gone. There was already way too much bad partying going on in my breasts.
Together, we narrowed Ted down to three possible identities, but we wouldnât know more until Tedâs DNA had officially been collected.
This was Tedâs last chance: come clean or else!
Stay tuned for The Murder of Ted Chapter Three: The Evidence Collection.
While Tedâs investigation continues, the fictional cases are still unfolding in Silver Springs. If you enjoy cozy mysteries with humor, heart, and a little chaos, you can explore the Taryn OâKelly series here.
And donât forget, the antidote to the uncozy is a cozy mystery.
Until next chapterâŚ
Happy reading.
As always, thanks for stopping by for some Salty Inspirations! -Michelle â¤ď¸
Cozy Mystery Escape: Come visit Silver Springs, Colorado, for a cozier investigation filled with humor, heart, and hope.
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