Previously in The Murder of Ted…
The battle had officially begun. LW’s team was moving troops into position, Ted’s minions were taking a beating, and even my internal attack team was being whipped back into shape.
This week: Mama Bear reports for duty, and things are about to get even more interesting.
Thank you for joining me on this unexpected, uncozy adventure.
The Murder of Ted
A Series of Unfortunate Events, an Uncozy Adventure
Chapter Nine: Mama Bear Takes Command
Every Sleuth has a mom behind her, gently pushing the sleuth to safer territory. Okay, maybe not gentle and maybe it’s her own agenda. But all cozy mysteries have that mom love we all need.
Week 1 of the battle was rough, but Week 2 we kicked it into high gear.
As per my usual style, I developed even more allergies.
My husband needed to be out of town, so my mother arranged to be with me. Ted was in for a real treat because when Mama Bear comes to town, things get real fast.
My mother had arranged to stay for the duration of my treatment. She quickly decided she was now the general in charge and wouldn’t leave my side until Ted was gone.
This week came with a whole new set of challenges.
We had found a wonderful apartment that was supposed to be ready last week, and unfortunately, it wasn’t. So here we were again in another hotel.
After last week’s fun-filled 70’s horror movie, we tried an Extended Stay America. Once again, the living conditions were less than desirable.
At first, I was happy because the stove didn’t electrocute my mother and the door wasn’t rotten, but the building was run down, and the smell was filth-laced chemical warfare.
The new apartment would be ready in a few days, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
One night, exhausted from treatment, I was lying in bed when, out of nowhere, a cockroach spawned in and was running right towards me.
My drugged, exhausted self, went into panic mode.
Did I tell you I have an extreme bug-a-phobia?
All things bugs are not okay.
I screamed and scrambled to get away from it. That disgusting little creep evaded my mother’s attacks at murder and headed somewhere in the bed.
Mortified, I scrambled over to my mother’s bed while I watched in horror as she systematically dismantled my bed, searching for the little creep.
Finally, she located him and dispatched him.
Which was brave for her too, since she doesn’t care much for the creepy crawlies either.
See… Mama Bear to the rescue.
Thanks, Mom!
That was it. We needed out of there!
After a very unrestful night, the fear of bug attacks lingered in my mind. We got the call. The new apartment was ready!
I promptly checked out of the terror hotel early. They wouldn’t refund that night since I needed to cancel the night before for a refund.
I considered it an unwelcome donation and moved along. Some things just aren’t worth fighting.
You have never seen someone pack up so fast.
We had everything out of the room and into the car in less than an hour. And I still only had one working arm. BB still wasn’t up for duty yet.
The new apartment was nice and bug-free.
But like every day in this story, something goes wrong. The AC went out within an hour of our arrival, as did the cable TV.
Now, I don’t care much for AC, but my mother still has Colorado blood, and the August Florida heat was about to kill her.
Much to her discomfort, the owner had it repaired the very next day, and finally we were living in a healthy environment.
Our base had been upgraded from the trenches to the comfy general’s tent.
Back on the grant front, we had received a grant for prescription drugs, but because the drugs I needed were compounded, the grant money wouldn’t cover it. I needed microdoses due to the way my body handled things, so compounding was the only way. Even with that explanation, they denied me. If this Cancer journey has taught me anything, it’s that if you’re different, you are the problem. The foundations don’t really care about the people. Maybe they did at some point.
We had the first meeting with my nutritionist, where she explained my 12-carb diet.
The list of no-no foods was unreal. That, plus the fact that I do not like fat, had me worried about how I would survive this.
When asked how I would keep weight on, the only answer was to eat more fat.
Do you remember the Friends episode where Joey drank the fat?
Well, that’s all I hear in my head daily.
Drink the fat.
Yuk.
I shouldn’t complain.
My grandpa during the Korean War had to eat some very disgusting, sketchy things, which I cannot bring myself to mention.
There is nothing fun about war, and Ted has made sure that everything will be miserable.
I received two cloth grocery bags worth of supplements and medications I was to take in order to outsmart Ted.
The nutritionist explained how to take one bag of medications and supplements.
“These,” she would hold up certain bottles, “needed food. These could not have food, and these could go together, but these couldn’t.”
As the bottles lined her desk, our eyeballs glazed over, and I am pretty sure that after taking all of these meds, there would be no room for the 12 glorious carbs anyway.
“What’s the other bag for?” I asked.
She looked at me and smiled.
“Those we will go over next week. This week we are just getting you used to everything.”
Next, she grabbed a refrigerator bag of glass vials and proceeded to explain that I was to give myself injections nightly.
She demonstrated how I was to draw up the solution and pinch some belly fat.
I looked down at my already thinning body and said, “What fat? There’s nothing left to pinch?”
She smiled, not really acknowledging the fact that I didn’t have anything to pinch, and proceeded to explain the process.
I was also to inject mistletoe on the opposite side, and this one they wanted an allergic reaction.
That should be no problem for me. That’s what all my guys wanted to do anyway.
Those of you who knew me before Ted know that needles and I have never been friends, so much so I didn’t let nurses come at me while I was giving birth to my two children. I hated them so much.
Stabbing myself nightly seemed like an impossible mission to ask me to do.
But like every good sleuth who finds themselves in dire situations, you suck it up and somehow find the courage to persevere.
After all, I couldn’t let Ted think he had the upper hand.
He had been quiet this week, and I knew he was planning something.
I left the nutritionist wondering how I was to accomplish all of this. We had studying to do.
Once home, my mother quickly went to creating a spreadsheet on the when and how everything should be taken.
After dropping me off to appointments, she ran to the Dollar Tree where she purchased several little cups to label with my day’s prescriptions and the time in which to take them.
Those turned out to be lifesavers.
I met my IV nurse for the first time this week as well. Her name was Trish.
I knew we were going to be friends, and I knew I was going to be one of her problem patients from the moment she met me.
It didn’t take long to prove myself right.
Poor Trish had no idea what kind of patient she was going to have.
During one of my IV treatments, I had yet another reaction. Hives across my face, down my neck, and across my arms.
I looked at Trish and said, “I’m so sorry. This is going to be a long road for the two of us. I’m going to continue to keep you on your toes because my internal attack team is refusing to submit and insisting, they still know best.”
She told me not to worry. She had a few special patients, so she knew exactly what to do with someone as special as me.
Unfortunately, this reaction meant the treatment had to be stopped, and Trish gave me yet another Benadryl.
Great, the lights were about to go out again.
Why, for the love of Pete, did my immune system insist on hives?
My internal attack team was a bunch of complainers who clearly thought they knew better than everyone else and were resisting their training.
Freaking Ted strikes again.
After another whole week of attacks on Ted, I was tired and a little worried.
Ted had gotten larger, redder, and more aggressive.
He had my internal attack team on high alert for all the wrong reasons while he secretly whispered to them that he wasn’t the bad guy.
LW’s secret service team had done their mission well. The evidence they had collected on Ted was back from the lab in Greece. The Greeks were about to reveal the full extent of Ted’s abilities and what exactly would kill him.
My appointment with LW was set for next week. We would be addressing the full battle plan according to what Ted’s weaknesses were
We were coming for you, Ted!
Stay tuned for the next episode of Chapter Ten: The Big Reveal
Ready for a Cozier Mystery?
If you’ve been following The Murder of Ted, you already know I have a slightly unusual relationship with murder.
Thankfully, when I write my Taryn O’Kelly Mysteries, the murders are fictional, the danger is considerably less personal, and Taryn gets to do the sleuthing for me.
Taryn is a reluctant amateur sleuth who has a knack for finding trouble, stumbling into murder, and asking questions that probably should have been left alone.
If you’re ready for a cozy mystery filled with humor, twists, suspects, and just the right amount of fluffy murder, start the series with Party Planning for Murder.
Because sometimes the best way to survive the uncozy is with a cozy mystery.
Until next time, keep sleuthing and stay out of trouble. Taryn would probably tell you that’s easier said than done.
And don’t forget, the antidote to the uncozy is a cozy mystery.
Until next chapter…
Happy reading.
As always, thanks for stopping by for some Salty Inspirations! -Michelle ❤️
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