Previously in The Murder of Ted…
Ted’s hiding places were uncovered, and the evidence made its final ride to the lab…
This week: we learn exactly who we’re up against.
Thank you for joining me on this unexpected, uncozy adventure.
The Murder of Ted
A Series of Unfortunate Events, an Uncozy Adventure
Chapter Four: The Unmasking
Every sleuth knows there comes a point when the evidence has all been collected.
The clues have been gathered. The suspects have been narrowed down. Now all that’s left is to wait for the results.
An agonizing week crawled by.
I even had to miss Zumba because of all the micro-incisions, bruising, and swelling from Ted’s interrogation. I caught my reflection in the mirror and just stared.
“Thanks a lot, Ted. Now we look like a Picasso painting.”
“Why couldn’t you just behave?”
Sleuths don’t do well twiddling their thumbs, and this keto diet was becoming downright brutal. If I had to look at one more salad, I felt like I might throw a Ted tantrum.
The bandages itched, and I received a complimentary rash to go along with them.
To make matters worse, our poor mango tree had barely survived both Hurricane Ian and Hurricane Milton, being uprooted not once but twice and saved by us. After four years of waiting, it had finally rewarded us with mangos. And I couldn’t eat a single one.
I glared at stupid Ted. “Who are you, Ted, and what do you think you are going to get away with?” I would ask, like I thought maybe he would answer.
The only answer Ted ever gave was sharp, shooting pains. He was angry.
The hours dragged on as I searched for more and more clues. I probably checked my patient portal a dozen times a day, waiting for those magical words to appear: New Test Result.
Nothing.
Apparently, Ted had exercised his right to remain mostly silent.
You know how, in every cozy mystery, we always wonder how the amateur sleuth manages to keep working while solving murders?
Well…This is exactly how.
Life has to proceed as normal, no matter what event or investigation is going on. Bills still need paying. Laundry still needs folding. Emails still need answering. And focusing your mind on something else, especially when you’re a persistent sleuth, is harder than it looks.
So, I wrote and caught up on long-overdue household chores. Boring, I know. That’s why that part is left out of the mystery.
But every spare moment, I found myself disappearing down another rabbit hole, connecting clues and piecing together timelines. Growth rate. Symptoms. PET scans.
My murder board had quite the collection of red string.
Ted kept whispering, “You know I’m strong.”
That little creep.
Late one evening, well after office hours, the call finally came.
My detective had the lab results.
“Ted’s a real shady guy,” she said gently. “He’s Triple Negative Breast Cancer.”
I took a deep breath.
This was the one I had suspected all along. The one I didn’t want. Every clue on my investigation board had led to TNBC.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “And the stage?”
My detective’s voice remained calm, filled with kindness. “It’s Stage 3C.”
I had done enough research to know exactly what the results meant. Ted was unique. He could create energy from just about anything. The keto plan I’d hoped would slow him down wasn’t going to be enough.
On the bright side… Mangos were officially back on the menu.
Ted had impeccable speed. Catching him was going to be tough. My poor lymph nodes and internal attack team had been overrun trying to keep up with Ted’s relentless assault.
He had just been upgraded to Super Villain.
Mordor much?
“So,” I asked, “what does that mean for treatment? Give it to me straight.”
“There is still time,” she said. “But I’m handing your case off to the state detectives. This one requires a much bigger agency.”
She explained that my resident brain tumor and my newly found kidney cysts, another one of those complimentary findings nobody wants, would complicate things. And Ted would use every advantage he could find.
Then I asked the question that, in my gut, I already knew the answer to. “Will I lose my hair?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Yes.”
Ted was really starting to make me mad. There goes my Rapunzel-like locks. He was dead set on this Picasso thing.
No offense to Picasso lovers, but I’ve always been more of a Rembrandt or a Monet kind of girl.
I looked at Ted and sighed. “Really? We couldn’t have been a Rembrandt instead?”
My detective went on to explain that Ted was Triple Negative. He lacked the receptors that many other breast cancers have, so he couldn’t be treated the same way. Extensive chemotherapy and radiation would give us our best shot.
“Stay by your phone,” she said. “Treatment needs to start today.”
“What about the Breast stage right?” I asked.
“It came back benign,” she said.
I guess he was playing dress-up in Ted’s clothes. I wasn’t entirely convinced he was trustworthy. But we had bigger problems with Ted for now.
I hung up the phone. My husband wrapped me in his arms, and I cried for a moment. Not for long, though. I wasn’t going to let Ted think he had won.
The mystery had been solved, and we finally knew what we were up against.
Now we had to figure out how to kill him.
Stay tuned for the next episode of The Murder of Ted. Chapter Five: The Search for Treatment
Ted may have finally revealed his true identity, but this investigation is far from over. Fortunately, fictional villains are usually much easier to deal with.
If you’re ready for a mystery where the crimes stay safely on the page, come visit Taryn O’Kelly in Silver Springs.
And don’t forget, the antidote to the uncozy is a cozy mystery.
Until next chapter…
Happy reading.
As always, thanks for stopping by for some Salty Inspirations! -Michelle ❤️
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